Let Me

Let Me

I’m not dwelling, I’m coping.

I’m not depressed, I’m sad.

I’m not over it, I’m living it.

My baby is gone and it’s okay for me to cry.

My baby died and it’s okay for me to remember.

My baby  was mine and now my baby is God’s.

I loved my baby with all my heart.

I praise God that my baby is with Him

Because if my baby can’t be with me, there is no better place.

I got to experience so much joy and excitement and hope for the future

And in just a moment that was taken away from me.

No warning.

I had so many plans and I know that I can still do those things, that having children is still an option for me but that is not a consolation for what I lost.

Telling me that I will have more children does not make it better that I lost my first baby.

I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to remember. Giving me one week to move on is not fair.

I will take all the time I need and it’s okay with me if that’s not okay with you because you still have your kids. You have not experienced this loss.

I am so excited to have more babies in the future. Healthy babies that will make it full term. Happy babies that I will watch grow and that you will love with all you have as well.

But, right now, I want to love this baby and give this gift from God the acknowledgement that he/she deserves.

God gave me this baby and then took my baby back with Him to live in his kingdom. I love God and I love my baby.

Let me do that.

Elizabeth Seibel - January 13, 2011