Let Me

Let Me

I’m not dwelling, I’m coping.

I’m not depressed, I’m sad.

I’m not over it, I’m living it.

My baby is gone and it’s okay for me to cry.

My baby died and it’s okay for me to remember.

My baby  was mine and now my baby is God’s.

I loved my baby with all my heart.

I praise God that my baby is with Him

Because if my baby can’t be with me, there is no better place.

I got to experience so much joy and excitement and hope for the future

And in just a moment that was taken away from me.

No warning.

I had so many plans and I know that I can still do those things, that having children is still an option for me but that is not a consolation for what I lost.

Telling me that I will have more children does not make it better that I lost my first baby.

I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to remember. Giving me one week to move on is not fair.

I will take all the time I need and it’s okay with me if that’s not okay with you because you still have your kids. You have not experienced this loss.

I am so excited to have more babies in the future. Healthy babies that will make it full term. Happy babies that I will watch grow and that you will love with all you have as well.

But, right now, I want to love this baby and give this gift from God the acknowledgement that he/she deserves.

God gave me this baby and then took my baby back with Him to live in his kingdom. I love God and I love my baby.

Let me do that.

Elizabeth Seibel - January 13, 2011

Lost

Lost

I feel a loss so powerful

That I cannot breathe.
I cannot think.
But I can cry and I can pray.

When I found out about you I was so scared because I wanted everything for you and didn’t know if I could do that.

I went shopping for your clothes.

I got clothes to wear for when you changed my body.

I now wear those clothes to cover the scars from the surgery.

Daddy and I were looking forward to spending the holidays with you and finding out if you were a boy or a girl.

The blood that day was scary and I worried for you. All I could think about was whether you were okay or not.

The doctor didn’t give answers.

I went home and tried to relax so that you would be okay.

It happened again the next day, the blood, then the doctor.

But this time there was a concerned look on his face.

Daddy and I went to see a different doctor and he told us all about you.

He said that you had grown, only it wasn’t a place where you could stay.

I wanted so badly for it not to be true. I wanted him to say that we could save you.

Seeing you on the monitor filled me with so many emotions. I was so excited to finally see you, but I was so sad that I had to say goodbye.

Healing from the surgery keeps my mind busy, but healing from the loss of my precious baby will take more time.

You will always be with me. I will love you forever. 

Elizabeth Seibel - 1/9/2011

Baby of Mine

Baby of Mine

You will always be my first child.

You will always be the first reason I was called Mommy.

I would have done anything for you. In fact I gave up hot baths for you. Sitting in a warm bath was a sacrifice I was willing to make for you.

Daddy talked to you everyday for the week we had you here on Earth.

He loves you with all he is.

You brought me more joy than I knew possible.

Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I cannot wait to meet you in Heaven.

I know that you will keep watch over your little brothers and sisters.

No matter how many kids I have, you will always be my first.

I love you my darling child.

Dance in Heaven for Mommy.

 Elizabeth Seibel - 1/9/2011

Dedicated to the memory of Glory Seibel, taken from us too soon.

Darkness

Darkness

I need you.

I need you more than anything.

I need you to doubt yourself.

I need you to question everything.

I need you to be unsure.

I need you to lose focus of all that you have.

I creep into your thoughts when you are alone.

I get in your head when no one’s around.

When you are on top, I bring you down.

When you try to leave, I bring you back in.

Without you, I mean nothing.

Without you, I have nothing.

You think I’m powerful.

You think that I’m never scared.

I like that.

If you knew that you give me power

and that I’m scared of you -

this relationship wouldn’t work.

Don’t say those prayers, God knows how you feel.

You don’t have to go to church, God knows that you believe in Him.

You don’t have to confess those sins, He knows what you did.

You don’t have to talk to Him, just keep it in.

I’ll keep you company.

I’m right here.

Elizabeth Seibel – October 8, 2011

*This poem was written to show how desperate the devil is for our attention and how sneaky he is to get into our heads. Don't give in to him. Give in to God.*

Why?

Why?

Have you ever wondered why?

Just because?

It’s the question most asked

And the one most often answered wrong.

The question why is tricky.

The person asking is also tricky.

When a child asks it’s out of curiosity…

Or to be annoying.

When a teenager asks it’s out of a desire to rebel.

When an adult asks it has deeper meaning.

But when I ask, it’s to trip you up.

Yeah, that’s right.

I want you to sweat a little.

I want to see you fidget.

I want you to question everything.

Why?

Because

You.

Don’t.

Know.

Elizabeth Seibel – October 8, 2011

Runaways

Runaways

We couldn’t stay any longer.

We were being hunted by them.

All we had to do was get into the field.

Sounds so simple.

It’s not that simple.

It’s never that simple.

The light was baring down on us.

So focused. So intense.

Everyone was moving so frantically.

Except for them.

They picked us off one by one.

They got my friend and I got side-tracked.

They saw me and moved closer.

I’m almost home.

Please give me more ti…….

Elizabeth Seibel – October 8, 2011

*Can anyone tell me who/what the runaways are?*